• Austin Hamblin

A Cheesy Porno

(I wanted to take my crack at writing the world's corniest over the top porno. I have never written a film script before so bear with me.)


Pizza for everyone ;)


We start off inside a house and we see a college age kid on the phone. He is wearing sweatpants and no shirt.


Man: Yeah I’ll take alarge sausage pie.


Phone: It’ll be about 10 minutes.


Man: Don’t be late or else I’m not paying!


The man hangs up the phone and runs into his bedroom. He then throws off his pants and turns on the tv to a porno playing. We see a teenage girl getting double teamed by two men. The man gets hard and starts jacking off.


Man: My favorite game finish before the pizza arrives!


Suddenly the doorbell rings. The man puts on his sweat pants and you can see his massive erection. He opens the door to see a pizza delivery woman. It is the same woman who was in the porno he was jacking off to.


Lady: Pizza Delivery! One large cheese pizza!


Man: What the heck! I ordered sausage you forgot the sausage!


Lady: No I didn’t.


She drops the pizza and grabs his penis over his pants using her other hand to grab around his head and make out with him. He ends up lifting her up and throwing her on his bed with the porno still playing in the background. He starts to like her pussy and she begins to moan extremely loud.


Lady:Yes yes yes yes! Hard lick me like an ice cream cone on a warm day. I’m so hot my pussy is lava.


This goes on for a while until the man can’t take it anymore. He stops licking her pussy and takes his pants pants off presenting his giant cock to her. She stares at for a while and kind of inspects it.


Lady: This is the biggest Godzilla monster cock I have ever seen!


Man points at the tv.


Man: But you used to work in porn didn’t you?


Lady: Yes, but this is the biggest wiener I have ever seen on anything living. I would never lie to a man about his penis size or fake an orgasum! Also I’m a virgin who just turned 18.


Man: Oh my fucking God you are so hot!


She starts to give in a blowjob with like a gross amount of spit. Probably add a lot of lube for effect.


Man: This more sloppy than a sloppy joe!


Lady: Thanks I’m like over hydrated.


She gives him a blow job and starts sucking on his ball.


Man: Thanks for not forgetting the balls.


Lady: How dare you I would NEVER I MEAN NEVER FORGET THE BALLS.


She starts giving him another blow job.


Lady: Give me your curdy chunky cottage cheese cum!


He cums on her face.


Lady: Ah poo I wanted to ride you…


Man: Don’t worry this is a porn! I’m already hard again!


She starts to ride him screaming.


Lady: Jesus oh sweet Jesus. Get deep! Fuck me in my soul! PUT A BABY IN MY BELLY.


Man stop and kind of pushes her off.


Lady: Not hot?


Man: Not hot at all…


We then cut to another pizza delivery man who sees the door is open and walks in.


Pizza Man: Hello? Marge? You have been gone a while!


The pizza man walks in and sees them having sex.


Pizza Man: Oh my God! Marge how could you! I always thought we would make the beast with two backs.


She uses her index finger to call him over.


Lady: You still can big boy!


They then all have sex together in various positions etc. The two men both finish inside her.


Pizza Man: Oh man it’s been over 4 hours we are totally fired!


Lady: Fuck! What are we going to do?!? I won’t be able to pay my bills.


Man: Maybe we could all film a porno together and post it online or sell it!


All three of them look directly into the camera with a thousand yard stare. The End.

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