• Austin Hamblin

Day #23: Beating the Meat


#23: Beating the meat…

It can be called by many names: beating the meat, choking the chicken, or firing off some knuckle children.. Masterbation. Before you can love another, you must first love yourself. To some people, they can be scared to talk about it. Well, today, I’m going to tell a story from my youth about, you guessed: it polishing my shaft. One day when I was around 11 years old, my parents had gone someplace without me, and I had the house to myself. So I did what any other 11 year old who was home alone with a high speed internet connection would do. Shortly after I started I heard a knock on the door. I looked out the window to see an older couple late 50’s early 60’s. He was dressed in a suit and tie, while she wore a dress and shawl. They didn’t seem to be leaving, so even though I had no idea who the duo was, I went to answer the door. I flipped up my boner into the waistband of my boxers and didn’t bother putting on any pants. I went outside only to have them attempt to save my soul. They were Jehovah's Witnesses and began to talk to me about God’s plan, how he loves me and all kinds of things. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t interested, but I wasn’t going to be an asshole to them. They talked for a few minutes, and my penis began to go soft. It ended up slipping through the waistband of my boxers, and boom... fell right out the “pee slot” or whatever you want to call it. It almost happened in slow motion.. I remember the woman seeing it first and her eyes opening extremely wide. She took in a deep breath, and her husband caught a glimpse of Jar Jar Binks (yes, I named my dingdong). I didn’t know what to do, so I slammed the door shut and went inside. I watched them leave and head over to the neighbors through the window. I was glad the experience was over. After calming down, I opened back up the internet, and well, you know…

Everyday I will be posting an entry in my writing challenge 100 Days which has been collected into a print collection. If you are interested in purchasing a print collection: http://www.lulu.com/shop/austin-hamblin/100-days/paperback/product-23916414.html

Kayla and I have also started a weekly podcast. You can check it out here: https://anchor.fm/austin-allen-hamblin It's called In the Bed with Austin and Kayla because we literally record it as we lay in bed!

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