The Headless Hitman Script
I often get asked what my comic scripts look like so I thought maybe I should post on up to the world wide web. Keep in mind this is just how I do it and no "correct" way to do it exists.
The Headless Hitman
Written by Austin Allen Hamblin
Wide shot, high angle of a supernatural grocery store. We see all different kinds of creatures in the background shopping for groceries. All the groceries are normal, it’s the supernatural beings who aren’t. The lighting is from the store lights, and the point of view is from above (but not too far or the creatures won’t be clear) looking down so we can see more of the creatures. The focus is on a very tall slender looking Elf who is covered in tattoos, has bags under his eyes, basically tweaking, looking as though he hasn’t slept or showered in days. He has a six pack of bottled beer in one hand, is wearing skinny jeans and stained up wife beater.
Caption(El Kickasso Narrating): This is what its come to, Craig?
Caption(El Kickasso Narrating): I mean for fuck’s sake, we’ve murdered kings and queens, politicians, demigods!
Caption(El Kickasso Narrating): Look at us now. Lowered to killing a scumbag elf who owes some vampire meth money.
The elf is going through the checkout with his beer. The cashier is a chubby werewolf woman.
Caption(El Kickasso Narrating): God damn it, I didn’t leave the ring for this shit!
Caption (Headless Hitman narrating): You left the ring because you tapped out like a little bitch.
Shows the elf walking out of the grocery store. The city is a cross between the shire and Tokyo. Any and all supernatural wildness can be seen in the background. Go crazy. We see fun ads on bill boards in the background for examples: Why let that period blood go to wasted when you can sell it to a vampire, or hair removal for werewolves, church of Puragtori for zombies, etc
Caption(El Kickasso Narrating): That’s low, Craig. You know that’s not how it went down! Motherfucker hit me in the dick.
Caption (Headless Hitman narrating): You keep saying that, but I’ve seen the footage.
Shows the elf unlocking his house (IMPORTANT: Walls are brick or cinderblock), getting ready to go in.
Caption(El Kickasso Narrating): Whatever. You ready?
Shows the elf opening a beer sitting on his shit couch. His house is a crappy looking drug den. We see bongs all over, empty pizza boxes.
Caption (Headless Hitman narrating): Way ahead of you!
SFX (beer opening): Pssh!
Two page Spread
Classic Kirby double splash which would, along the bottom, list the credits to who did what in the issue. TITLE??
Large panel across the top of spread which shows El Kickasso-- who is a masked baby lucha libre with a cigar in his mouth-- busting through the wall, followed by the Headless Hitman, sword raised for action. He looks like, well, a headless horseman. The elf in the foreground is completely startled as the brick wall crumbles toward him.
Headless Hitman: Get it? “A-head”?
El Kickasso: Shut up and slay.
Caption(over El Kickasso’s head): Former Intercontinental TV Heavyweight Champion, now hit man for hire-- El Kickasso!!!!
Caption (Over the Headless Hitman): High school drop out and contract killer-- Craig, The Headless Hitman!
Low angle. The elf, blood trickling from his mouth, is crushed under the fallen wall. The two hit men stand atop the rubble and shrug.
The Headless Hitman: Not Exactly how we planned it, but a kill’s a kill.
From outside the building. The pair emerges from the hole they made, HH now toting the Elf’s head by it’s long hair. He has severed it as proof of the kill.
El Kickasso: Lets hurry up and get home. I need a beer.
Headless Hitman: And a changing.
Exterior of the Hitman’s home/office. It has a sign on the door that reads “Headless Hits-- Licensed and bonded” The building is made of brick. Also there’s an open/closed neon sign which currently reads: The Hitman is in. “In” is lit up and “out” is dark.
El Kickasso (from inside the building): Don’t skimp on the powder this time!
Interior HH’s office. The hitman is changing El Kickasso’s diaper. High angle. We don’t see Kickasso’s junk because the Hitman’s hand is holding a huge container of baby powder and dumping clouds on Kickasso’s nether regions. We do see Kickasso is being changed on top of what appears to be a bunch of important documents on a cluttered desk.
Headless Hitman: Ever think we’re maybe a little too close?
We see a goblin woman standing in the corner. She is wearing a tight low cut black dress about two sizes too small. She has bags under her eyes and looks tired. She has the attractiveness of a once pretty hooker about six years past her expiration date.. and also a goblin.
Medium shot of Grendel and the hitman kissing. She appears to be kissing thin air, tongue out, etc.
El Kickasso: How are you two even doing that?
Kickasso finishing taping up his diaper by himself. The Hitman now has his arm around Grendel like a couple in love.
El Kickasso: Left me hanging, bro. Well, protruding anyway.
Headless Hitman: You can change yourself. You were a former Intercontinental TV Champion, remember?
Close on Grendel laughing hysterically.
Grendel: Hahahaha! Yeah, “champion” of a fake-ass sport.
Money shot. El Kickasso stands, enraged, flames radiating all around him.
El Kickasso: FAKE?? WOMAN, DID YOU JUST SAY FAKE?!?!? MY GREAT GRANDPA DIED IN THE RING!! NOTHING FAKE ABOUT IT! THOSE STUPID REALITY SHOWS YOU WATCH? THOSE ARE FAKE!!! I CAN’T TAKE THIS SHIT! I’M LEAVING!
From exterior. Kickasso walks out the door while flipping the bird to the hitman and Grendel. They wave after him.
El Kickasso: AND I’M NEVER COMING BACK!!!
Hitman: See you tomorrow, buddy!
Low angle. The Hitman sits on the couch about to turn the tv on, remote in hand. Grendel stands in his way.
Grendel: Not so fast. We have to pick up Henry from my ex’s.
Hitman: Aw, come on!
Grendel points off panel. The Hitman is still on the couch.
Hitman: Baby, I’ve got all that paper work…
Grendel: Don’t “baby” me. Get dressed.
High Angle looking down on a liquor store parking lot. A few different cars are in the parking lot. As well as some supernatural tweekers and drunks. The Liquor store has a sign on it in massive letter reading “All boose, all the time…”
Text balloon (coming from one of the cars): All I’m saying is we need to get you tongue somehow. Would be nice if you could reciprocate…
Wide panel of a car pulling into the parking lot. We don’t see who is in the car. It is a rusty, car literally being held together by duck tape.
Caption (Hitman off panel): I really hate your ex… I’m still trying to figure out why you fucked him.
Ground level shoot we see Bigfoot getting out of the drivers side of the car only wearing a brotank and nothing else he appears to be hungover, and on the other side Grendel’s son who is Around five foot tall dressed as a goth/emo goblin. Hair covering one of his eyes, eyeliner on, a black shirt, two bracelets with spikes on them, etc.
Bigfoot: Sup Dogs? What’s good?
Grendel’s Son: Shut up dad, you sound like a tool…
We then see Grendel greet Bigfoot with a hug. Craig is crossing his arms in disapproval. Grendel’s son is playing on his phone.
Grendel: How have you been Sas?
Bigfoot: You know keeping it real, chilling with my homeboys, making that coin if you know what I’m saying.
Bigfoot has spotted Craig and Craig offers his hand for a handshake.
Bigfoot: Come on mang! You my homeboy bring er in!
Shows Bigfoot hugging Craig and crushing him with his strength against Craig’s will.
Hitman: Alright, homeboy don’t break me in half.
Bigfoot has let go of the hug but has his arm around Craig now. Bigfoot is laughing.
Bigfoot: Haha! Man Grendel you got a real catch in this one! You know what I’m saying?
Shows Bigfoot patting where his pockets would be. He has the lock on his face as if he is missing something.
Bigfoot: Oh man I left my cigs back at home. Think you could hook a brother up?
Shows Grendel and Bigfoot smoking a cigarette. Grendel is lighting her’s and Bigfoot is smoking his.
Bigfoot: Thanks mang! I’ll make it right next time!
Hitman (under breath): Yeah I’m sure you will.
Shows Bigfoot getting in his car and is waving everyone goodbye.
Bigfoot: Hey homies I’ll holler at you later. I’m real tired. See you next weekend son!
Grendel: See you next weekend!
We see the Hitman and Grendel in the front of the car and the son in the back seat. We see Bigfoot driving away in his shitty car through the back window.
Grendel: So did you have fun at your dads?
Son: No, Dad’s a douche.
Shows the kid in the backseat with headphones in. We can see how loudly the music is playing. He is playing so loud he can’t hear Grendel or Craig.
Sound Effect (Lyrics coming from headphones): Murder, kill, steal! Satan Rules!
We see Grendel and Craig in the front seat. Grendel is rolling her eyes.
Sound Effect (lyrics from song, on top of panel): Start Cats on fire! Yeah yeah yeah!
Hitman: I hate cats, but should he be listening to that?
Grendel: Oh Craig, Satan’s new metal band is all the rage. You need to connect with him. He’s the most important thing in my life.
The Car pulls into the driveway we see the kid getting out of the car.
Sound Effect (lyrics from song, on top of panel): Now to an old folks home to put them old bastards down!
A level view straight on with Grendel looking at the Hitman who we don’t see. She is holding his hand in hers.
Grendel: Do it for me….please…
Shows the Hitman and El Kickasso in the office waiting for the phone to ring. El Kickasso is bench pressing on a small machine in the corner. Craig is writing things down at the desk.
Caption: The next day..
Hitman: So now I have to figure out how to “connect” with him..
El Kickasso: Take him to a show.
Shows the Hitman face palming his none existent face. The phone is ringing in the corner of the panel.
Hitman: What about this kid screams he likes sports?
The Hitman is holding the phone up to where his head should be.
Hitman: Yeah we kill ex boyfriends! We are equal opportunity murders! I mean Hitmen..
Shows Craig slamming the phone down.
Hitman: Lets take him out on a hit!
Shows Craig and Kickasso loading the car with all sorts of weapons while the boy is listening to his music. Grendel is looking on.
Grendel: I though you where going out for ice cream? What’s with all the weapons?
Hitman: Dropping them off to get sharpened on the way.
Caption (Music from headphones): Fart in their pillows! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Shows Grendel hugging her son.
Grendel: Just give him a chance, you might find out he’s not as bad as you think.
The guys are driving away and we can see Grendel waving from behind. Kickasso is driving, Craig in the passenger seat, and the boy in the back seat. The view is looking down so we can see Kickasso driving since he is small (a baby).
Hitman: So we kind of lied a little…
El Kickasso: We aren’t exactly going to be doing anything “vanilla”.
View is from across the street. We see the car stopped in front of a house.
El Kickasso: Usually we are more stealthy on hits, but check out the tale of the tape on this guy.
Shows the kid looking at a file on the ex boyfriend they are killing. He is very skinny.
Caption: Name: Dale Urbes
Caption: Weigh: 110
We see Hitman with a baseball bat in is hand a wooden one, and El kickasso with a small steel chair. The kid is looking perplexed. Note they are now outside the car.
Son: Did mom put you up to this…?
Hitman is holding his hands up. Is trying to level with they boy.
Hitman: Look I love your mom. She’s an important part of my life and she asked me to try and connect with you…
Close up of the kid’s face.
Son: This is what you came up with to “connect” with me? Kill someone….
View is from behind the boy looking on at Kickasso and the hitman.
Kickasso: Told you we shoulda taken him to a show…
We now see a shot of the boy looking extremely over joyed and happy.
Son: FUCKING AWESOME!
We see the hitman knocking on the door. The son has a handgun in his hand.
Hitman: When he answers shoot him.
The very skinny man answers the door. He is in his underwear and a whitebeater.
Man: Um… Can I help you…?
The son shoots him in the leg he is bleeding.
We see Dale holding his leg. Horns are starting to emerge and his eyes are red. This panel is in the upper left corner.
Dale: WHAT THE FUCK!!!
This panel takes place across the pages. Dale is turned into a demon through flames, which destroys his house. We see Kickasso, hitman and the kid being blown back, now they re starting to regroup.
Kickasso: A demon? A fucking demon!
Son: Uh guys what’s the plan?
This panel is in the lower right hand corner.
Shows the three of them running from the demon as he attacks.
Hitman: Stay alive!
The demon smacks kickasso. He is shown in this progression panel getting smacked and flying into a near by house.
The Hitman breaks the bat on the demon’s head.
The Demon looks at him. As in “is that all you got.”
The demon punches the hitman. Taking him out.
We now get a look at the kid he is pissing his pants. LITERALLY PEEING WITH HIS PANTS ON. He also drops the gun out of fear.
Son: Come on we can work something out….
Kickasso is dusting himself off from the rubble. He starts seeing things in this scene.
Caption: MY GAWD EL KICKASSO KICKED OUT AT 2!!!
Caption: He shouldn’t be able to move right now!
This panel is in black and white. We see a large masked wrestler in a wrestling ring. Complete with crowds and lights.
Caption: KICKASSO HAS HIS SECOND WIND! YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS GOING FOR!!!!
Kickasso has his legs around the demon’s neck and is punching him in the eyes repeatedly.
Caption: THE BABY BASH!!!
Kickasso is still in the progress of doing baby bash. The Hitman is charging the demon.
The Hitman tackles the demon. Kickasso falls off of the demon’s face.
The demon has gotten up shoving Kickasso on the hitman off of him.
A shoot of the demon looking extremely pissed off.
Dale: Enough! This ends now.
We are back to Kickasso seeing things. The view is from a masked wrestler on the turn buckle about to jump down on him.
Masked Wrestler: Enough! This ends now.
Caption: THE END IS NEAR! BWH GOD!!!
We see a view through the demons head as the boy has blown it off.
We see a dream bubble coming from Kickasso’s head, the gun shot is snapping him out of it. This is an anime style panel. In the dream bubble he is holding a title belt celebrating.
Kickasso: New champ bitches-wait where the hell am I?
The hitman is high fiving the kid,
Hitman: Holy shit you did it!
Kickasso: Ok two things. One: why does it smell like piss? Two: how did a regular gun blow off a demon’s head?
The hitman is pointing at kickasso.
Hitman: Better question did you have another one of those match flash backs?
Close up of Kickasso.
Kickasso: Oh course not. Lets go home boys!
We are back at the office and Grendel is freaking out about what happened and is super pissed.
Grendel: I said to try and connect with him and you took him out on a fucking hit?!?!?!? Whose idea was this?
The hitman points at Kickasso, and Kickasso points at the hitman.
Grendel now posses something that can only be described as mom strength. She has kickasso and the hitman pinned up against the wall.
Grendel: Now listen her you fucking morons!
The kid walks in, has a smirk on his face.
Son: Hey Craig thanks for taking me out on that hit today. It was really fun!
Another anime style panel. Grendel is hugging the hitman and her son. The son you can tell is not into it. Hearts are coming off her.
Grendel: Awh my boys are starting to get along!
Grendel is giving the finger point of doom to the hitman.
Grendel: This time you get a pass, but next time THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE HE MIGHT LIKE!!
This panel takes up ¾ of the page. It is Kickasso, the hitman, and the kid in front of a whore house with a sign reading: “XXX Cathouse: You name her we got er.”
Caption: Next issue more Headlessness, more concuss flash backs, and more ACTION!!!